As I created my birthday invitations this year, I wanted to create a theme that could best describe this journey I’ve been on: very bitter with a burst of sweetness. Sliding into 35 has been an experience for the books. I feel as if this year, this time, right now in life, I’m finally dancing to my own rhythm, a rhythm that includes a groove that has no concerns for the eyes that may notice a glitch in my two-step. All in love, several disappointments, and a multitude of lessons well learned, I’m living my best life.

Life has a subtle way of reminding us of how our outcomes are always mimicked by the nature of our intentions. I’ve experienced both positive and negative karma in relationships, finances, career, and in all of these areas, I’ve come to learn how your true intentions will always gain full precedents over what you chose to project. This can be a difficult concept to grasp. Knowing what I intend, instead of what I desire the outcome to be, means that I should operate as my higher self or Mrs. Zen Almighty. But how? How do I not be crazy! This is how…

Farewells are never easy.

This year, I finally gave salute to the the little girl in me. I gave a final farewell: locking her pureness in a sacred place but departing from all of the residue of trauma acquired from unhealthy living. Now, this bright eyed girl, born of optimism and internal balance (a spiritual guide once told me), has been able to maneuver through life well. Despite the waves, the currents, I made it though many conditions.

Growing up in a one bedroom apartment with six siblings, being raised under a multitude of “black plight” such as poverty, being both black & female, being over sexualized and under privileged, soaking in a family of silent mental illness and all levels of trauma that were normalized and resembled humor and good laughs, I was prepared for any storm. It is empowering when you can finally identify the skills you used in your youth to adapt and overcome adversity. But it is even more profound to decipher and eliminate which behaviors to discard in order to live the life that was meant for you. We are born with a natural beaming glow of optimism, and the real challenge is having to cultivate that same optimism when the curtains are pulled back and it is time to perform.

The conversation between Lil Dorothy and Big Dorothy went something like this…

I chopped it up by acknowledging how dope she was for surviving! We laughed at all the adventures and flying by the seat of your pants moments. I thanked her for knowing that attending a boarding school would be difficult due to the lack of support and for her ability to make it through as a teenager. I thanked her for continuing her education and obtaining her degree after having kids in the middle of college. I praised her for raising herself and raising others. I praised her for always supporting her siblings in their efforts to climb up, making a way when there was none, and smiling through it all. We laughed at all the goofy logics and notions that were adapted. But, we also cried big tears, and y’all I’m talking “UGLY TEARS” about the dark and hard times that damn near took her out. I am forever grateful for her and the lessons learned. I crowned that little girl as the best SURVIVOR everrrr and acknowledged her ability to be all that she was.

What’s to this new groove…

Now you all, I’m operating in full force: No Holds Barred! This coaching life is amazing! Helping women bridge together their visions through being a channel of support is my life’s calling. We as women are collective voices of shared experiences. My trials, her trials, all trials should not create division but instead bridge the gap with support and understanding. Who cares to see the brightest star in the sky? But, oohhh, to observe an atmosphere where the stars are all different sizes, distances, angles, spread across the sky, and LIT TO THE MAX. Now that’s goals! And I, Dorothy Payne-Polk have chosen to be a contributor to this type of living amongst woman. Doing my part as a lover of all things feminine, my continued goal is to keep that little girl in check while illuminating this universe and aiding other women along their journey to shine.