What a hell of a year!
Twenty-Twenty was the year I declared to live out loud. Expressing myself through words, proclaiming what I knew to be true for myself, and helping others activate their potential. I knew exactly how I desired to move through the year by focusing on my transformation and increasing my client load. Then Covid happened to us all.
For the past several months, I have been on a journey of “unveiling”. As my spiritual reader, a soul instructor, and several confidants have confirmed, I am on a journey of peeling the layers back. The yucky stuff. From my understanding, I will be experiencing an “uncovering” that would be difficult but necessary, and that this time is designed to push me further into my purpose. As a student of life, my journey always share a similar theme; “move forward, Dorothy.” When I think of progression throughout my life, I think of this script; “Dorothy went to boarding, had a baby, worked a job, moved into her first home, finished her degree, had another baby, got married, built a career, started a business, bought another house, etc. These are definitely some of the many highlights of my adult life thus far.
But in reality, a ton of life happens when you are trying to pull yourself forward. I have experienced loss, health scares, financial clasps, and several breakdowns in between these climbs. Until recently, my motto has always been that managing life comes with getting over the lows and maintaining the highs. However, today I stand to be corrected, and I ask myself why and at what cost?
I recently had a conversation with a beautiful soul that turned my world around. In most of my conversations, I am 99% affirmed in my knowing, solid in my beliefs, and do not waiver in my opinion. But this beautiful Sis, and I mean a true ray of sunshine, asked me when was the last time I got out of my head and into my heart. {Crickets on my behalf followed}. I truly could not remember. This question lingered in my mind for days. “When was the last time I got out of my head and got in my heart.”
Do not get me wrong; I am not heartless. Actually, I am a bit more sensitive than I allow myself to be, and because of this, I stay in my head to avoid disappointments, hurt, regret, and shame. Some of this is the life coach in me, but the majority of this is from past hurt. Often, we desire to separate the profession from the person. When in actuality, it is critical to remember that professionals who are called to aid in the healing and progression of others are still human beings who experience life just like the people they serve. The best experiences in my professional life have come about when I can share more of myself and focus on a lateral approach in my professional relationships.
Anywho, I knew some deep inner work and healing would need to take place in me after sitting with this thought of giving more of my heart and less of my head. Giving more of my heart required a deeper level of healing; an intentional approach to trust. Healing is hard. During my initial consultation with my clients, I have to make a critical decision about whether my client is ready for activation or whether this client needs to do some deep-rooted healing. Although healing and activation can go hand-in-hand, deep healing can not be avoided if you want to progress and move forward successfully in life. In actuality, life if warranted is made up of several progressive series of healing moments. At every stage, at every age, we as humans have the ability to chose to heal or chose hurt.
Validated Hurt: This is when we feel validated in our experience of being hurt. When others’ actions create an experience that one has deemed to be hurtful, these are the scenarios that we reply in our heads over and over to help affirm our pain. This type can create resentment and make it very difficult to forgive. Although others’ actions may have been the root cause of the pain, it is your responsibility to set yourself free.
Chronic Hurt: This is present when one resides in the space of continued pain or emotional agony. A hurtful experience can completely change one’s values or outlook on life. Chronic hurt can derive from feelings of regret, failure, or shame. It can make it almost impossible to experience other emotions wholeheartedly.
Avoidance Hurt: To feel anything other than hurt. When one denounces their feeling of pain to avoid going down the rabbit hole. In a nutshell, not acknowledging and honoring the feeling of pain or not trusting oneself with the emotion of hurting.
Hand raised high {insert emoji}; it would be correct to say that I have consciously and unconsciously resided in all of these spaces of hurt. Now, there are many other ways in which we experience hurt. But, what I know for sure is; it takes time and deep soul work to balance the mind and heart when one is on a call to create an unknown world within and around them.
Although I do not have all of the answers as to how this unveiling will end, I am optimistic that the Universe is in full support of my transformation. With this knowledge, I stress less, and I take comfort in knowing all will be well. However, as I continue to forge a life centered around healing and vulnerability, I would like to share more of myself and my journey openly. Teeth cringing and shaking in my booths, my personal goal is to share my very own life’s story. This has been a challenge for me. But, someone who was sent to remind me of my path once told me, “the process of healing is like a bow-and-arrow, Dorothy. The more you pull back, the further the takeoff”. Lord knows I am always here for the take-off.